


No Expiration Date

by FrivolousSuits



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, Humor, M/M, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 06:31:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12906153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrivolousSuits/pseuds/FrivolousSuits
Summary: It might have been easier to just hire strippers.





	No Expiration Date

**Author's Note:**

> For Marvey Fic Challenge #48 (”Handshake Deal”).

It might have been easier to just hire strippers.

But no, Rachel insisted that Mike’s bachelor party be free of naked young women, and instead Harvey just takes Mike and company out drinking. They start at the upscale bar from the night Mike got out of Danbury, and Harvey proceeds to lead them around the city, heading to hand-picked locations that get less fancy and much more fun as the night stretches on–

Harvey doesn’t remember anything after the fourth bar, not until he wakes up in his own bed (good) with someone’s hand splayed on his bare chest (even better). A moment passes before he narrows his eyes, realizing that he doesn’t recall picking up a new girl– though that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, he has always liked that transference thing– and there weren’t any strippers.

Then he turns around and finds that the body beside him belongs to none other than Mike Goddamn Ross.

Mike’s blinking his bloodshot eyes open, scrunching his forehead into a frown as the sunlight hits. “Morning.”

“Morning?” Harvey intones. “That’s what you have to say?”

“Yes? What else should I say?”

“You should– we should– at least we didn’t–” Harvey raises the covers and peeks. “Oh god, we did.”

He disentangles himself and springs away from Mike, reaching over the side of the bed to pick up his briefs. Once slightly more dressed he twists around and reaches a hand out to Mike. “If you never tell Rachel, I won’t either.”

Mike glances at it and scowls. “What do you mean?”

“I’m saying you should take the deal,” he says. “This never happened, if you didn’t want it to.”

He forces out his most authoritative greatest-closer-in-the-city voice, but his thoughts are spinning– how could he do this to Mike? How could he do this to Rachel? How could he possibly think Mike would want this? How drunk did he have to get to think Mike would want _him_?

Mike’s jaw falls open as understanding dawns. “Oh god, you forgot.”

“Forgot what?”

“The fact that, at 1:13 AM, you told me you loved me more than a shot of Macallan 18. At 1:18 you revised that and said you loved me even more than a brand-new bottle of Macallan 36.”

He– he can’t have. He opens his mouth and tries to deny it, but nothing comes out.

“At 1:52 AM everyone else had left, and you spent ten minutes telling me about how you found out ‘orchids’ means 'balls’ and you wished you had the balls to give me orchids.”

Oh god.

“By 2:12 AM you were telling me about how you loved my pro bono work, and you loved how I make you want to do pro bono work yourself, almost, and then you offered to represent me in my divorce from Rachel pro bono.”

“Mike–”

“Next, you spent several minutes debating whether 'pro boner’ was the best or the worst pun you’ve ever learned from the Simpsons.”

Harvey’s watching him, poker face still intact, certain that this can’t get worse–

“It was 2:30 when you proposed.”

“What?” he snaps, visibly flinching.

Mike raises his eyebrows. “You called it a standing offer.” He waits several seconds before adding, “No expiration date, not for resale, and you were very clear I could not redeem it for cash.”

Harvey doesn’t know how he resists the urge to bury his face in his pillow, but he does, instead muttering, “You must not be remembering correctly.”

“That’s the tack you’re taking?”

“I–” he groans. “All right, Mike. I admit I have no idea what we do next.”

“When you’re backed up against the wall, you break the goddamn wall down.”

Harvey blinks, because Mike can’t be offering what he thinks. And yet–

“It was 2:43 when I called Rachel and broke things off with her. And yes, you heard that, and no, you didn’t sleep with someone who was about to get married. I wouldn’t do that to you,” he whispers, before shaking himself and continuing, “That said, there’s an entire wedding planned next month. Cake, venue, I have this awesome suit that I spent way too much money on to drop.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying we have a month to decide whether I should take you up on your standing offer.”

Mike reaches out his hand. After a long look, Harvey takes it.

“We have a deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second Marvey fic about Mike's bachelor party, and I really doubt it's my last.
> 
> Thanks to statusquoergo for inspiring the Simpsons bit.


End file.
